Tips for driving on the Interstate

(These are from watching some drivers on the Interstate, and thinking: these guys should write a how-not-to-drive manual. Instead of waiting for them to write one, here goes.)

1. There are two lanes in each direction. The two lanes are not the same. If you want to drive at your own leisurely speed, you’re welcome to do so – you have the entire right lane at your disposal. Do NOT, however, drive at 60 in a 70mph zone in the left lane; you’re just messing with people who do want to drive faster.

2. If you’re driving ‘fast’ on the left lane, and you notice having to repeatedly move to the right lane to let others move past you, you’re not moving fast enough in the left lane. Stay on the right lane, for goodness sake, for your and others’ peace of mind and driving.

3. See those small mirror-like things on the two sides of your car? There’s even one right inside the vehicle. Yep, guess what –  they are mirrors. You’re supposed to watch them from time to time. You know, just to check if there are vehicles about, and what they are up to.

4. Do NOT form a one-two with a car in the other lane, making it impossible to move past the pair of you. More often than not, you’re holding people up, and forming a mile long traffic jam behind you. (Also, see 3. above.)

5. Do NOT drive in someone’s blind spot. (Never heard of it? Go back and read that driving manual that you studied before you got your drivers’ license. Never read the drivers’ manual? DON’T DRIVE.)

6. Don’t start changing lanes and then turn on the indicator. Especially if you’re trying to move into the space between two vehicles in the fast (left) lane. There’s a certain sequence in which things are supposed to happen, you know? Turn on the indicator, wait a few seconds to let the driver coming up adjust, then move. (Also, read 3. above.)

7. If you’re only overtaking a slower moving car on the right lane, wait for the left lane to be empty before making the move. (See 3. above.) If you’re impatient and want to shift lanes NOW, then note 1. above, and move at the speed that everyone else is moving at in the left lane. Don’t make the car behind you hit the brakes; that’s just rude.

8. If you’re in the left lane, and the car behind you is driving with his headlights in the high beam, it probably means something – namely: you’re moving slow, and need to shift lanes. Please do so, at the first safe opportunity. (Also, see 3. above. Also also, how the hell do you not notice a high beam headlight in your eyes, even if you’re not watching your mirrors? Do you not even have the mirrors aligned right?)

9. If you’re coming up behind another car, and you have your headlights on high beam, make sure that means something (see 8. above). Don’t drive with the high beam just for the fun of it.

10. In general, be aware of vehicles around you, and remember you’re not driving in isolation. Your driving affects others. And please, don’t text while driving. You’re a hazard to yourself, and you make other drivers around you nervous. Please?

These aren’t so hard, are they? Thank you.

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